Hi Stevi! I just looked at what you've got for your storybook so far, and I really liked what I saw. The format is really clean and simple, and it looks like it will be very easy to navigate through the site. The fonts are pretty easy to read for the most part, but the font on the introduction page kinda blends into the background. The image you chose for the coverpage is really nice because it gets straight to the point: the storybook is about Rama and Sita. I really like the premise of them going to marriage counseling, and you should have a ton of material to work with. The introduction page does a great job of setting the scene for the rest of the stories, and the image you have on that page is a nice counterpoint to the picture of Sita and Rama together.
Wow Stevi! I don't even know where to begin. I read your introduction page and let me say it is truly amazing. I love how detailed you made this story. In all honesty this story took place in what a grand total of a couple of minutes? But every second of it seemed to last an eternity because of all the tension in the story. I had anxiety building! Wow. What a great way to end the story as well! I wanted to keep on going to the next part of the story. So overall, great story choice. You're layout for the story was great. It made it approachable. I wasn't intimidated by long paragraphs that were bogged down with information. I think the background for your story really is beautiful so that adds to your overall story. I am so excited to read what is coming next. Great job!
I really liked the premise of this storybook! The introduction really allows you to explore the vastness of the web that exists between Rama and Sita because of the set up you have allowed yourself three possible characters; Sita, Rama, and a third character, a narrator. Flexibility from this choice will be one of the strengths of your storybook. The overall formatting was good it allowed the reader to move from paragraph easily and without distraction. I am interested to learn what era you position your stories in. Will you keep them close to the original or will you explore other realms in which the story comes to a modern metropolitan area? One question I have is, did you intend for Rama and Sita to be engaged in a public display of affection despite the fact that they are going to a marriage counselor where potentially their marriage may end? If so I like the depth that it provides because the audience can see the true heart of Site.
Hi Stevi! Well first of all, your page is clean and crisp to the eye at first glance. I really liked the picture you chose for the initial page of the website. It's very eye catching and beautiful. As far as your introduction, it is very well written. It reeled me in and intrigued me enough to want to read more. And, that is always the point, as a writer, right? To make sure the audience is captivated enough to come back for more and I think you did just that. I like how it is in a more modern setting and even Rama and Sita can go through rough patches and have to see professional help. That was very interesting. You can just feel the anxiety and confusion that is racing through Sita's mind as you progress through the reading. So will this be mainly from Sita's point of view? Will they be switching into Rama's point of view so we can see what's going on in his mind as well? I'll be sure to bookmark your storybook and check back to see what happens! Great job!
First, I have to say that I really like your title and the concept. Rama and Sita’s relationship seems very one-sided at times, and telling their story through marriage counseling will really give you the opportunity to explore their relationship in depth. Furthermore, it allows you to insert your own opinion of their relationship into the narrative. In your first paragraph, you might want to try to change up the sentence structure. Five of seven sentences start with the word “they.” You used dialogue throughout the story, and it effectively conveys the situation. You also did a really good job of conveying Sita’s emotions. However, I didn’t hear much from Rama’s point of view. If you haven’t already, consider describing Rama’s emotions later in your storybook. I also think the picture complements the story. Just from the title and the picture I could tell what direction the story was headed. This is a solid introduction. Keep up the good work.
I just finished reading your introduction for your Storybook project. I like how you launched into your mode of storytelling by having Sita reflect on the past. This shows that there could be a lot of potential to hear the story from different perspectives than what are just presented in the Ramayana. Because of the style, your introduction also reminded me a little bit of Sita Sings the Blues. I really like the setup for your story, since you don't really ever see mythological characters, like Rama and Sita, ever doing something so normal as going to marriage counseling! My only critique would be to consider the tense of your narration. Sometimes you switched between past tense and present/future tense, which took me off guard a little and made your introduction a little less smooth. Otherwise, I enjoy the premise of the story so far, and I think you have really interesting opportunity for re-imagining everything.
Stevi, first, let me just say that the photos of your children on your comment wall for this class are absolutely priceless! Second of all, I loved the background for your storybook site! You did a great job with the layout and I think it has inspired me to change a few things on my own storybook site. Your introduction was sad, but brought new meaning for me in the change in Rama and Sita’s relationship. I was heartbroken for the young couple while reading different versions of the Ramayana, but there truly is power behind words and let me tell you, your words in your introduction have power! They really made me view the couple’s relationship in a whole new light. I loved the ominous last sentence in the introduction. It really makes the reader feel like they are on the edge of a cliff in search for more answers!
I liked your storybook cover page because of your photo. After reading the title I was kind of excited because this is exactly what I hoped someone was going to write about. I even thought about writing on Rama and Sita and how much Rama actually sucked. I liked that the photo you chose is of the couple and Sita is lovingly embracing Rama and he has his hand up almost as if he is about to push her away. (I know that is not what the hand is actually indicating, but if someone had never learned about Hinduism before, they would probably think the same thing.) Your introduction story leaves a lot of room for how this story could go. We know it will be about the ample times Rama messed up in their relationship, but are you going to include his side of the story? We all know people like to get defensive when accused of messing up, and Rama definitely seems like that type.
Hi Stevi, I'm commenting on your storybook introduction! But before we get into that, let me just say that the picture of your kids are so adorable! The innocence of children make me so happy. OK moving on! I'm so happy that you wrote about Rama and Sita's problems. Although the epics portray him to be the coolest guy ever, he's actually kind of a douche bag. I mean he rejected his faithful wife even though she loved him unconditionally. I'm glad that you gave Sita more depth into her character that the stereotypical submissive wife (as seen in the epics). She is actually aware of her options that she can be with Rama or leave him. I'm excited to hear what she has to tell the marriage counselor and also how Rama will explain himself. Several questions are popping into my head: Will Sita forgive Rama? Will Rama admit his faults? Will they return to the kingdom as a couple or torn apart? Keep up the good work! I'm already intrigued!
Your first story is a good continuation from your introduction. I like how we heard a little more from Rama this time. You develop Rama as genuinely loving Sita, but being self-centered. I think this accurately matches what we read in the Ramayana. The sentence, “This was one of the problems that they had experienced” seems somewhat unnecessary. You could remove it without losing much. Instead, you could say something at to the effect of, “This was a problem that Dr. Zutshi encountered often…” It would allow you to elaborate more on Rama’s self centeredness. Also, the last sentence in that same paragraph seems superfluous. Finally, your sentence, ““I felt how much he loved me during the exile and even when I was kidnapped,” Sita explained” could use a little more elaboration. What did Rama do to show Sita how much he loved her? As far as the structure and content of your story, I think you did a good job!
Stevi, I really enjoyed reading your story. I'm loving all the stories that are really taking the time to explore Rama and Sita's relationship, and how that even if they are supreme beings, they're also in human forms and imperfect. I tend to be a little harsh on Rama myself, especially because I think he was being a little bit of a hypocrite by not welcoming Sita back. Marriage counseling is perfect for them as a couple, and I'm really interested to see what happens next in your storybook! This is a great way to do a frametale--the therapist setting makes it easy to tell stories about your characters, and to even have your characters there telling them. You ended with a really great line that will work as a perfect lead in to your next story, Your story was really easy and enjoyable to read, and I'll definitely be bookmarking it to read more in the coming weeks!
Stevi, I came back to read your first story! It was simple yet interesting! I liked how you portrayed Rama as a conceited character. When he described how bending Shiva's bow as an easy task, I immediately thought to myself, "Ugh he's so full of himself." You did a wonderful job of depicting a typical marriage counseling session. Sita and Rama had the opportunity to share their side of the story. It's true that most couples begin with a happy honeymoon period only to end up as a shattered couple. You definitely left the ending as a cliffhanger! I wonder what details Sita will talk about regarding her kidnapping. Hopefully this is the moment where the counselor can really see the true colors of Rama. I'll be back to read more!
I enjoyed reading your storybook! I also don't have a good outlook on Rama and the decisions he made. I thought you did a good job telling the story as a counseling session. This allows the reader to know what is going on and informs us about each of their point of views. I think they needed counseling for what they were dealing with. I am definitely looking forward to your next story. Great job!
Also your kids are so cute! I love the pictures you incorporated of them on your comment wall!
I really love all the pictures you chose for your storybook. They all are vivid depictions of scenes from the Ramayana and it helps to take me back to sections I’ve read but forgotten already. I like the idea that they are going to marriage counseling to make things work. It’s a good modern twist. I also like how Sita is the one pushing for it, since she is the one that desperately wanted to make their relationship work in the story. I know that Rama is going so he can have her back, but I’m assuming this intro might be after the first time Rama casts Sita out and he’s still somewhat redeemable. I really like the dialogue between the characters. You make the two personalities of both Rama and Sita very distinct. Dr. Zutshi is a good device to use to help push the story along and make the retelling of events more natural.
AH! I loved your story “Stolen Hearts”! As someone who is married, I know all too well the back and forth that can happen between a husband and wife. Each side has their own story, and you get to tell both! I do think that I see a problem in your writing, however. At one point near the beginning you are talking about Rama and say “He felt that the kidnapping was Sita’s fault.” I feel as if you meant he thought the kidnapping was his own fault. I may be wrong, but after rereading the dialogue around that sentence, it seems like Rama thought if he had not gone to get the deer and he was there to protect her, everything would still be fine. It may be correct, because you mentioned that Rama said they should have known better. However, since that sentence is coming directly from the Doctor, I believe he is seeing the true meanings behind Rama’s words: the fact that he felt like he could or should have done more.
Hi, Stevi! I had previously read your introduction so I was thrilled to get to come back and read more from you this week! I LOVED the story stolen hearts. I can't count the amount of times that I've been in a disagreement that just keeps going because both sides see the same events very differently. That premise made these larger than life characters extremely relatable!
Your story, as always, flowed very well with both your theme and stream of writing. The way you blended the two stories was perfect, too! I look forward to reading more!
Hey, Stevi! I'm back as promised! I'm commenting on your story Stolen Hearts, and I loved it! I liked the way you portrayed the conflicting emotions between Rama and Sita. Rama assumed that everything was going to be fixed in one therapy session, but he was so blinded by his own arrogance. In fact, it was shocking that Rama blamed Sita for her own kidnapping! It's not like she wanted to be kidnapped sheesh! When Sita shouted at Rama, I was thinking to myself "YES! You tell him Sita!" I have to read the next story! You do an excellent job of ending in cliffhangers. You've really stuck to your theme, and I like your writing style. I need to read more!
Hey Stevi! So I'm just reading your storybook for the first time and I must say that I'm really happy with it! I love the idea that Rama and Sita are going through marriage counseling, it totally fits with what happened between them! I like how your introduction is all about their approach to the counseling and about how Sita felt because really she was given a really raw deal with Rama as her husband.
The first story I think is great, I love all the little details about what the two are thinking and feeling about each other. I also love the fact that you portrayed Rama as a narcissistic person, always boasting about himself That's gold! It really shows what Sita has had to deal with as Rama’s wife!
The second story is great as well. I felt like Sita’s thoughts were mirroring what I felt and thought when I was reading through the Ramayana. I love that you’ve chosen to do this and I think it’s a great way to show what happened and also show Sita’s part in it. Great read Stevi!
First let me say that one of my favorite stories, is the one about Sita and Rama. They kind of remind me of the love story between Rose and Jack from the movie Titanic (Titanic is my favorite movie by the way). I am commenting on the story named "Love at First Sight". I think that structuring the story over a counseling session was very creative. I think that it fits the story really well and it worked out in your favor. I think that starting the counseling session off by them talking about how they met is typical for any psychiatrist. To get the real reason as to why they were having problems, they would usually ask for the couple to talk about how they met or talk about the day that they fell in love. Really good job on the story and I will be back to comment on some more stories.
Hey Stevi! I really enjoy reading you storybook! I especially like how it is formatted in a therapist/ patient style. I do not know much about Rama and Sita other than that they are lovers so when I read your introduction I was instantly wanting to read more. I wanted to know how Rama and Sita fell in love and consequently fell out of love. With the style of writing you chose, I instantly knew that your stories was going to be interesting since they are going to be in Sita’s and Rama’s point-of-view – because the writing style is interview-like. Your writing was also very detailed. This allowed me to discern the frustration and sadness in the characters. When Sita had to tell the therapist about how she and Rama fell in love, I could tell that she was having difficulty. It shows the yearning she has for the past. Good job Stevi!
Hello again Stevi! Well here I am again. I commented earlier on your introduction and chose your storybook as one of my free choices because yours was one that really had caught my attention since I first stumbled across your storybook page. I really loved the way you made it into an interview like narrative with both Sita and Rama going to couples therapy. It gives them both a sense of humanity and makes the reader more likely to sympathize with them if they are going through the same troubles with a spouse or significant other. It really seemed in 'Love At First Sight' that the love between Rama and Sita shone through regardless of their current troubles. They reminisce on their beginnings with such sweetness that I'm anxious to see what troubles they had gone through to bring them to this point. Which of course we know why they were having troubles in the reading but I am curious to find out how you mold it into your storybook! Great job so far!
I enjoyed reading your storybook again. I like how your formatted your storybook into an interview. Its as if Rama and Sita are at a marriage counseling session taking out their arguments and misunderstandings. I like how you did this because it allows the reader to understand the point of view of both Rama and Sita.Your story and introduction are very detailed and easy to follow. I was able to imagine the characters feelings and understand their thought patterns. I will be coming back to read more of your story book in the future. great job!
Hey Stevi! I thought your idea is pretty cool. Looking at the story from a marriage counselors perspective is really interesting. You introduced different ideas into the story pretty smoothly. I like the way you laid out your site. Its not to distracting but its also not bland either. The picture you picked out also represent your story pretty.well. In your "Love at first site," you said that Rama also thought of himself and next to that line is a picture of Rama looking above everyone else. In your next story, "Stolen hearts," I liked how you included the doctors opinion a little more towards the end. So far your grammar is on point and your the organization of your story is pretty well done. Are you going to explore Rama opinion anymore? What about Sitas? so FAR great story and i will definitely keep reading it throughout the semester.
Stevi, I came back to read more of your storybook, and I'm thrilled I did. Your characterization of Rama and Sita is so spot on, it's almost like they really have been transported to modern times to undergo some marriage counseling. If anyone needs it, it would be them. Your dialogue was great, and the whole thing flowed really well. You've got Sita's character down pat, as well. When I was reading it, and got to her outburst, I physically jumped a little in my chair, because I thought Sita would keep quiet as usual. It's also interesting to me that once Rama sees his problem as fixed, he moves on and is happy again. I think your decision to use both stories was wise. Since they're dealing with the aftermath of their emotions, it makes sense that multiple parts of their story would be interacting with their feelings. Really well done Stevi!
Hey Stevi! I enjoyed reading your second story “Stolen Hearts” just as much as your first story “Love at First Sight.” I did not know that Sita was kidnapped from Rama by Ravana. Your story is very detailed, which is good when portraying the characters’ feelings. Just from reading your story I can kind of comprehend what Sita is going through. I can really tell that she was hurt by Rama and is conflicted about whether or not she should stay with him or not. The image you included really fits well with your story. It kind of justifies why Sita wanted it so much. It is so cute! I did not notice any errors while proofreading your story. Your story ran smoothly and the breaks between your paragraphs made sense. I look forward to reading your next storybook story. I wonder if Sita and Rama will work things out and stay together.
Stevi, I am overall very impressed with your storybook! I love the theme you chose. I am a sucker for love stories, and although this is not focusing on the happy endings of love like all of us typically enjoy, I think it's great you're showing the struggles of relationships. Your introduction was fantastic. I found myself breezing right through it with so much anticipation built up. By the end, I knew I wanted to continue reading. You seem to have some experience writing. I really enjoyed your first story as well. It was clear what direction you were going to take the story, and you were so concise and descriptive with your writing. I loved it! I will definitely have to revisit next week.
Hey Stevi! So we were supposed to come back to another project from previous weeks and yours is one I am really really interested in. So out of the many great projects I have seen, I decided to revisit this one. Last time I read the passage "Love at First Sight". I followed up with "Stolen Hearts". Wow. What a great story! Your writing really draws me in. The build up of tension can be felt through your descriptions and it's almost like we are there in the room. The reader I mean! Wow this is great. It's refreshing to see how both parties feel a different way. Of course when it comes to the kidnapping we always take the sympathetic route when it comes to Sita but I feel like there will be more to Rama's side of the story. I'm very excited to read more as we progress with our projects.
I read your story, "Love at first site." In the story you the feelings they first felt when they saw each other. I liked how you mentioned Rama's overconfidence in himself because I feel like this is a quality that always left unnoticed. I liked the image you chose to use too. it not only showed Rama wining Sita's hand in marriage but also it makes displays as man above everyone else which coincides with his own beliefs. There is not really any grammar mistakes and the story flows pretty well. The structure of story is great too you lead into your next story using a small cliff hanger. I know the doctor is not a main character but I want to know about her more. This story would also go great with Maharabata. You could do a group session between duryodhana and the Pandavas. Anyways great writing and it was fun to keep up with your story.
Hi Stevi. This is the first time I have visited your storybook, so I only read the introduction this time around. I think you did a great job! I love going through all of the different storybooks and seeing how people adapt these stories to their own personal style. Rama and Sita is a pretty popular topic, but I have not seen anything like yours. You do a great job of putting a modern twist on the story that makes it easier for the stories to connect. What popped into my head was the scene from “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are at marriage counseling.-the power couple in peril. The writing was fluid and very easy to read. I didn’t see any errors with grammar or punctuation. Overall a really great story. I look forward to reading more in the future!
I read your third story, “Broken Trust.” I really enjoyed it. It was very clear and simple. It was an easy read but very informative at the same time. I felt like I fully comprehended how hurt Sita was by Rama. I felt empathetic toward Sita. The only suggestion I have was that I kind of wished you got into a little more detail about the fire – like some background about it. How does it prove the honesty of someone?
The format of your storybook is very clean and simple, which made the overall look seem well-polished and professional. I did not notice any grammar or punctuation error while reading your story. Yout theme and style of writing really allows the reader to understand what the main character, Sita, is going through and how she is feeling throughout this whole process. Good job!
I look forward to reading more of your stories I wonder if Rama and Sita will work things out and stay together or will they eventually separate?
The picture of the fawn on for this part of the storybook is perfect. It’s so seemingly cute and innocent that it’s easy to see why Sita would beg Rama to capture it for her. Throughout reading this chapter of the story book (Stolen Hearts), you do a magnificent job on capturing the subtlety of body language and how it really displays the underlying thoughts of the characters in the story. I’m also glad that you are not having Sita be mindlessly complacent with Rama’s way of thinking. I think she’s a stronger character in that, although I think her belief in Rama’s altruism constantly betrays her. I think it’s important to show the dynamics in their relationship and where each character is at emotionally. You’ve done an excellent job of that so far so just keep up the good work. Also, your titles are on point in capturing the story and in their brevity.
Hi, Stevi! I love getting the chance to come back to your storybook! This week, I read "Broken Trust." I have always been on SIta's side of things reading these stories, and I feel like you conveyed her emotions really well in the model of your storybook. It is so relatable that she was holding on to the feelings of rejection even after time had passed. Of course, Rama didn't understand. I know that, personally, I have experienced arguments in relationships like this. You perfectly brought out the duality of not wanting to bring up old problems but also being continually affected by them!
Your writing was clear, simple, and natural. It felt very appropriate for the theme and setting. Your choice to progress the plot almost entirely through dialogue is really powerful in this story book model. It makes the reader feel especially invested in the characters' struggles. I'm excited to read more!
Hey Stevi! So I’m back to comment on your storybook again! Like I’ve said before, I think this is a great storybook for the stories of Rama and Sita! It really shows the turbulent marriage that they had and how wronged Sita was during the most trying times! I think now with this third story that Sita finally gets to the real root of the problems that they are having. I think most people would say that Rama is truly the root of the problem. They more I read what people have to say about him, the more I feel that he’s a real brat that uses his status as a way to influence people. It really makes me wonder what he was truly like in the Indian Epics!
Thank you again for another great story in your storybook, I hope you’ll have another before the semester ends because I think this is a great storybook!
Hey Stevi! This is it, huh! We are almost done! Well your storybook was one of my favorites so naturally I came back to get one last look and finish reading it. I enjoyed the fact that it wasn't your standard Rama and Sita story where they end up together and live happily ever after. The fact that we get to see another side of them as a couple is nice. Rama isn't the perfect man like we are used to seeing and Sita realizing her self worth was amazing. I actually ended up feeling really sorry for Sita in the chapter before last and was kind of hoping she would realize that she was way better than this ideal fairy tale relationship where everyone expects them to be perfect. This just goes to show that every relationship or marriage has turbulent times and flaws. Now that we are at the end of the semester I'd like to congratulate you on a job well done on your project! Overall, it was a great read and I really enjoyed going on this journey with you!
Hi Stevi! Congratulations on being selected as on the favorite storybooks of the class. I can't say I'm too surprised because your storybook is great! As I said before, I love the theme for your storybook and the direction you've taken it throughout the semester. It came together so nicely! Reading through your stories, I noticed and well your writing flowed. It was very clear and kept me interested. Overall, great work!
Hi Stevi! I think this is my first time reading your Storybook! It looks great so far! The image you chose for your cover page is perfect for the theme/topic. I liked how you wrote your Introduction. It was very clear, concise, and contained necessary details. The dialogue really helped improve the story. Also, I liked how you set it in a marriage counseling appointment- if only they had such a thing in Rama and Sita's time! I read your first story about how Rama and Sita fell in love! Once again, it was written very well with the marriage counseling aspect. I can relate a lot to your Storybook because my own had a lot to do with Rama and Sita as well. The image you chose for that story was a perfect fit. Good job on everything you have done so far! Keep up the good work!
I felt the same way about how Sita’s story ended. It was so unfair! I hope you got to watch Sita Sings the Blues, the animated version of the Ramayana. They captured this moment perfectly with Sita leaving on a joyous note. Meaning, she was happy to leave and not put up with Rama’s bull anymore. I like how you ended it so that she did not let him roll over her and her emotions, twice. I personally do not know many women, including myself, that could overlook the constant jealousy and suspicion that Rama felt for Sita. Although it was on a sadder note, your ending portrayed her as a much stronger woman than the versions that I have been exposed to. I think it was a fair call to make in saying that Rama never truly loved her, because Rama never really trusted her, did he? This ending was fantastic.
Hi Stevi! Today I am reading your first two stories of your Storybook. In the “Love at First Sight” story, I once again enjoyed that the story revolves around a marriage counseling appointment in which Rama and Sita have to explain their love story. The story was concise and yet gave enough details. The only thing that you could have expanded more on was the actual moment of love at first sight, while Rama and Sita were in the garden, since that is what the story is describing. For the “Stolen Hearts” story, you did a great job describing the significance of the deer in Sita’s kidnapping. Once again, the dialogue is a great additional aspect that really does improve the story! This story was also very detailed as well. I am glad that you mentioned Sita’s doubt in whether her relationship with Rama could ever be healed since he had turned away from her more than once. Good job, keep up the work!
Hi Stevi! I just looked at what you've got for your storybook so far, and I really liked what I saw. The format is really clean and simple, and it looks like it will be very easy to navigate through the site. The fonts are pretty easy to read for the most part, but the font on the introduction page kinda blends into the background. The image you chose for the coverpage is really nice because it gets straight to the point: the storybook is about Rama and Sita. I really like the premise of them going to marriage counseling, and you should have a ton of material to work with. The introduction page does a great job of setting the scene for the rest of the stories, and the image you have on that page is a nice counterpoint to the picture of Sita and Rama together.
ReplyDeleteWow Stevi! I don't even know where to begin. I read your introduction page and let me say it is truly amazing. I love how detailed you made this story. In all honesty this story took place in what a grand total of a couple of minutes? But every second of it seemed to last an eternity because of all the tension in the story. I had anxiety building! Wow. What a great way to end the story as well! I wanted to keep on going to the next part of the story. So overall, great story choice. You're layout for the story was great. It made it approachable. I wasn't intimidated by long paragraphs that were bogged down with information. I think the background for your story really is beautiful so that adds to your overall story. I am so excited to read what is coming next. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the premise of this storybook! The introduction really allows you to explore the vastness of the web that exists between Rama and Sita because of the set up you have allowed yourself three possible characters; Sita, Rama, and a third character, a narrator. Flexibility from this choice will be one of the strengths of your storybook. The overall formatting was good it allowed the reader to move from paragraph easily and without distraction. I am interested to learn what era you position your stories in. Will you keep them close to the original or will you explore other realms in which the story comes to a modern metropolitan area? One question I have is, did you intend for Rama and Sita to be engaged in a public display of affection despite the fact that they are going to a marriage counselor where potentially their marriage may end? If so I like the depth that it provides because the audience can see the true heart of Site.
ReplyDeleteHi Stevi!
ReplyDeleteWell first of all, your page is clean and crisp to the eye at first glance. I really liked the picture you chose for the initial page of the website. It's very eye catching and beautiful. As far as your introduction, it is very well written. It reeled me in and intrigued me enough to want to read more. And, that is always the point, as a writer, right? To make sure the audience is captivated enough to come back for more and I think you did just that. I like how it is in a more modern setting and even Rama and Sita can go through rough patches and have to see professional help. That was very interesting. You can just feel the anxiety and confusion that is racing through Sita's mind as you progress through the reading. So will this be mainly from Sita's point of view? Will they be switching into Rama's point of view so we can see what's going on in his mind as well? I'll be sure to bookmark your storybook and check back to see what happens! Great job!
First, I have to say that I really like your title and the concept. Rama and Sita’s relationship seems very one-sided at times, and telling their story through marriage counseling will really give you the opportunity to explore their relationship in depth. Furthermore, it allows you to insert your own opinion of their relationship into the narrative. In your first paragraph, you might want to try to change up the sentence structure. Five of seven sentences start with the word “they.” You used dialogue throughout the story, and it effectively conveys the situation. You also did a really good job of conveying Sita’s emotions. However, I didn’t hear much from Rama’s point of view. If you haven’t already, consider describing Rama’s emotions later in your storybook. I also think the picture complements the story. Just from the title and the picture I could tell what direction the story was headed. This is a solid introduction. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your introduction for your Storybook project. I like how you launched into your mode of storytelling by having Sita reflect on the past. This shows that there could be a lot of potential to hear the story from different perspectives than what are just presented in the Ramayana. Because of the style, your introduction also reminded me a little bit of Sita Sings the Blues. I really like the setup for your story, since you don't really ever see mythological characters, like Rama and Sita, ever doing something so normal as going to marriage counseling! My only critique would be to consider the tense of your narration. Sometimes you switched between past tense and present/future tense, which took me off guard a little and made your introduction a little less smooth. Otherwise, I enjoy the premise of the story so far, and I think you have really interesting opportunity for re-imagining everything.
ReplyDeleteStevi, first, let me just say that the photos of your children on your comment wall for this class are absolutely priceless! Second of all, I loved the background for your storybook site! You did a great job with the layout and I think it has inspired me to change a few things on my own storybook site. Your introduction was sad, but brought new meaning for me in the change in Rama and Sita’s relationship. I was heartbroken for the young couple while reading different versions of the Ramayana, but there truly is power behind words and let me tell you, your words in your introduction have power! They really made me view the couple’s relationship in a whole new light. I loved the ominous last sentence in the introduction. It really makes the reader feel like they are on the edge of a cliff in search for more answers!
ReplyDeleteI liked your storybook cover page because of your photo. After reading the title I was kind of excited because this is exactly what I hoped someone was going to write about. I even thought about writing on Rama and Sita and how much Rama actually sucked. I liked that the photo you chose is of the couple and Sita is lovingly embracing Rama and he has his hand up almost as if he is about to push her away. (I know that is not what the hand is actually indicating, but if someone had never learned about Hinduism before, they would probably think the same thing.) Your introduction story leaves a lot of room for how this story could go. We know it will be about the ample times Rama messed up in their relationship, but are you going to include his side of the story? We all know people like to get defensive when accused of messing up, and Rama definitely seems like that type.
ReplyDeleteHi Stevi,
ReplyDeleteI'm commenting on your storybook introduction! But before we get into that, let me just say that the picture of your kids are so adorable! The innocence of children make me so happy. OK moving on! I'm so happy that you wrote about Rama and Sita's problems. Although the epics portray him to be the coolest guy ever, he's actually kind of a douche bag. I mean he rejected his faithful wife even though she loved him unconditionally. I'm glad that you gave Sita more depth into her character that the stereotypical submissive wife (as seen in the epics). She is actually aware of her options that she can be with Rama or leave him. I'm excited to hear what she has to tell the marriage counselor and also how Rama will explain himself. Several questions are popping into my head: Will Sita forgive Rama? Will Rama admit his faults? Will they return to the kingdom as a couple or torn apart? Keep up the good work! I'm already intrigued!
Your first story is a good continuation from your introduction. I like how we heard a little more from Rama this time. You develop Rama as genuinely loving Sita, but being self-centered. I think this accurately matches what we read in the Ramayana. The sentence, “This was one of the problems that they had experienced” seems somewhat unnecessary. You could remove it without losing much. Instead, you could say something at to the effect of, “This was a problem that Dr. Zutshi encountered often…” It would allow you to elaborate more on Rama’s self centeredness. Also, the last sentence in that same paragraph seems superfluous. Finally, your sentence, ““I felt how much he loved me during the exile and even when I was kidnapped,” Sita explained” could use a little more elaboration. What did Rama do to show Sita how much he loved her? As far as the structure and content of your story, I think you did a good job!
ReplyDeleteStevi, I really enjoyed reading your story. I'm loving all the stories that are really taking the time to explore Rama and Sita's relationship, and how that even if they are supreme beings, they're also in human forms and imperfect. I tend to be a little harsh on Rama myself, especially because I think he was being a little bit of a hypocrite by not welcoming Sita back. Marriage counseling is perfect for them as a couple, and I'm really interested to see what happens next in your storybook! This is a great way to do a frametale--the therapist setting makes it easy to tell stories about your characters, and to even have your characters there telling them. You ended with a really great line that will work as a perfect lead in to your next story, Your story was really easy and enjoyable to read, and I'll definitely be bookmarking it to read more in the coming weeks!
ReplyDeleteStevi,
ReplyDeleteI came back to read your first story! It was simple yet interesting! I liked how you portrayed Rama as a conceited character. When he described how bending Shiva's bow as an easy task, I immediately thought to myself, "Ugh he's so full of himself." You did a wonderful job of depicting a typical marriage counseling session. Sita and Rama had the opportunity to share their side of the story. It's true that most couples begin with a happy honeymoon period only to end up as a shattered couple. You definitely left the ending as a cliffhanger! I wonder what details Sita will talk about regarding her kidnapping. Hopefully this is the moment where the counselor can really see the true colors of Rama. I'll be back to read more!
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ReplyDeleteHi Stevi,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your storybook! I also don't have a good outlook on Rama and the decisions he made. I thought you did a good job telling the story as a counseling session. This allows the reader to know what is going on and informs us about each of their point of views. I think they needed counseling for what they were dealing with. I am definitely looking forward to your next story. Great job!
Also your kids are so cute! I love the pictures you incorporated of them on your comment wall!
I really love all the pictures you chose for your storybook. They all are vivid depictions of scenes from the Ramayana and it helps to take me back to sections I’ve read but forgotten already. I like the idea that they are going to marriage counseling to make things work. It’s a good modern twist. I also like how Sita is the one pushing for it, since she is the one that desperately wanted to make their relationship work in the story. I know that Rama is going so he can have her back, but I’m assuming this intro might be after the first time Rama casts Sita out and he’s still somewhat redeemable. I really like the dialogue between the characters. You make the two personalities of both Rama and Sita very distinct. Dr. Zutshi is a good device to use to help push the story along and make the retelling of events more natural.
ReplyDeleteAnd cute kids!
AH! I loved your story “Stolen Hearts”! As someone who is married, I know all too well the back and forth that can happen between a husband and wife. Each side has their own story, and you get to tell both! I do think that I see a problem in your writing, however. At one point near the beginning you are talking about Rama and say “He felt that the kidnapping was Sita’s fault.” I feel as if you meant he thought the kidnapping was his own fault. I may be wrong, but after rereading the dialogue around that sentence, it seems like Rama thought if he had not gone to get the deer and he was there to protect her, everything would still be fine. It may be correct, because you mentioned that Rama said they should have known better. However, since that sentence is coming directly from the Doctor, I believe he is seeing the true meanings behind Rama’s words: the fact that he felt like he could or should have done more.
ReplyDeleteHi, Stevi!
ReplyDeleteI had previously read your introduction so I was thrilled to get to come back and read more from you this week! I LOVED the story stolen hearts. I can't count the amount of times that I've been in a disagreement that just keeps going because both sides see the same events very differently. That premise made these larger than life characters extremely relatable!
Your story, as always, flowed very well with both your theme and stream of writing. The way you blended the two stories was perfect, too! I look forward to reading more!
Hey, Stevi!
ReplyDeleteI'm back as promised! I'm commenting on your story Stolen Hearts, and I loved it! I liked the way you portrayed the conflicting emotions between Rama and Sita. Rama assumed that everything was going to be fixed in one therapy session, but he was so blinded by his own arrogance. In fact, it was shocking that Rama blamed Sita for her own kidnapping! It's not like she wanted to be kidnapped sheesh! When Sita shouted at Rama, I was thinking to myself "YES! You tell him Sita!" I have to read the next story! You do an excellent job of ending in cliffhangers. You've really stuck to your theme, and I like your writing style. I need to read more!
Hey Stevi! So I'm just reading your storybook for the first time and I must say that I'm really happy with it! I love the idea that Rama and Sita are going through marriage counseling, it totally fits with what happened between them! I like how your introduction is all about their approach to the counseling and about how Sita felt because really she was given a really raw deal with Rama as her husband.
ReplyDeleteThe first story I think is great, I love all the little details about what the two are thinking and feeling about each other. I also love the fact that you portrayed Rama as a narcissistic person, always boasting about himself That's gold! It really shows what Sita has had to deal with as Rama’s wife!
The second story is great as well. I felt like Sita’s thoughts were mirroring what I felt and thought when I was reading through the Ramayana. I love that you’ve chosen to do this and I think it’s a great way to show what happened and also show Sita’s part in it. Great read Stevi!
First let me say that one of my favorite stories, is the one about Sita and Rama. They kind of remind me of the love story between Rose and Jack from the movie Titanic (Titanic is my favorite movie by the way). I am commenting on the story named "Love at First Sight". I think that structuring the story over a counseling session was very creative. I think that it fits the story really well and it worked out in your favor. I think that starting the counseling session off by them talking about how they met is typical for any psychiatrist. To get the real reason as to why they were having problems, they would usually ask for the couple to talk about how they met or talk about the day that they fell in love. Really good job on the story and I will be back to comment on some more stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Stevi!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading you storybook! I especially like how it is formatted in a therapist/ patient style. I do not know much about Rama and Sita other than that they are lovers so when I read your introduction I was instantly wanting to read more. I wanted to know how Rama and Sita fell in love and consequently fell out of love. With the style of writing you chose, I instantly knew that your stories was going to be interesting since they are going to be in Sita’s and Rama’s point-of-view – because the writing style is interview-like.
Your writing was also very detailed. This allowed me to discern the frustration and sadness in the characters. When Sita had to tell the therapist about how she and Rama fell in love, I could tell that she was having difficulty. It shows the yearning she has for the past. Good job Stevi!
Hello again Stevi!
ReplyDeleteWell here I am again. I commented earlier on your introduction and chose your storybook as one of my free choices because yours was one that really had caught my attention since I first stumbled across your storybook page. I really loved the way you made it into an interview like narrative with both Sita and Rama going to couples therapy. It gives them both a sense of humanity and makes the reader more likely to sympathize with them if they are going through the same troubles with a spouse or significant other. It really seemed in 'Love At First Sight' that the love between Rama and Sita shone through regardless of their current troubles. They reminisce on their beginnings with such sweetness that I'm anxious to see what troubles they had gone through to bring them to this point. Which of course we know why they were having troubles in the reading but I am curious to find out how you mold it into your storybook! Great job so far!
Hi Stevi,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your storybook again. I like how your formatted your storybook into an interview. Its as if Rama and Sita are at a marriage counseling session taking out their arguments and misunderstandings. I like how you did this because it allows the reader to understand the point of view of both Rama and Sita.Your story and introduction are very detailed and easy to follow. I was able to imagine the characters feelings and understand their thought patterns. I will be coming back to read more of your story book in the future. great job!
Hey Stevi! I thought your idea is pretty cool. Looking at the story from a marriage counselors perspective is really interesting. You introduced different ideas into the story pretty smoothly. I like the way you laid out your site. Its not to distracting but its also not bland either. The picture you picked out also represent your story pretty.well. In your "Love at first site," you said that Rama also thought of himself and next to that line is a picture of Rama looking above everyone else. In your next story, "Stolen hearts," I liked how you included the doctors opinion a little more towards the end. So far your grammar is on point and your the organization of your story is pretty well done. Are you going to explore Rama opinion anymore? What about Sitas? so FAR great story and i will definitely keep reading it throughout the semester.
ReplyDeleteStevi, I came back to read more of your storybook, and I'm thrilled I did. Your characterization of Rama and Sita is so spot on, it's almost like they really have been transported to modern times to undergo some marriage counseling. If anyone needs it, it would be them. Your dialogue was great, and the whole thing flowed really well. You've got Sita's character down pat, as well. When I was reading it, and got to her outburst, I physically jumped a little in my chair, because I thought Sita would keep quiet as usual. It's also interesting to me that once Rama sees his problem as fixed, he moves on and is happy again. I think your decision to use both stories was wise. Since they're dealing with the aftermath of their emotions, it makes sense that multiple parts of their story would be interacting with their feelings. Really well done Stevi!
ReplyDeleteHey Stevi!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your second story “Stolen Hearts” just as much as your first story “Love at First Sight.” I did not know that Sita was kidnapped from Rama by Ravana. Your story is very detailed, which is good when portraying the characters’ feelings. Just from reading your story I can kind of comprehend what Sita is going through. I can really tell that she was hurt by Rama and is conflicted about whether or not she should stay with him or not.
The image you included really fits well with your story. It kind of justifies why Sita wanted it so much. It is so cute!
I did not notice any errors while proofreading your story. Your story ran smoothly and the breaks between your paragraphs made sense. I look forward to reading your next storybook story. I wonder if Sita and Rama will work things out and stay together.
Stevi, I am overall very impressed with your storybook! I love the theme you chose. I am a sucker for love stories, and although this is not focusing on the happy endings of love like all of us typically enjoy, I think it's great you're showing the struggles of relationships. Your introduction was fantastic. I found myself breezing right through it with so much anticipation built up. By the end, I knew I wanted to continue reading. You seem to have some experience writing. I really enjoyed your first story as well. It was clear what direction you were going to take the story, and you were so concise and descriptive with your writing. I loved it! I will definitely have to revisit next week.
ReplyDeleteHey Stevi!
ReplyDeleteSo we were supposed to come back to another project from previous weeks and yours is one I am really really interested in. So out of the many great projects I have seen, I decided to revisit this one. Last time I read the passage "Love at First Sight". I followed up with "Stolen Hearts". Wow. What a great story! Your writing really draws me in. The build up of tension can be felt through your descriptions and it's almost like we are there in the room. The reader I mean! Wow this is great. It's refreshing to see how both parties feel a different way. Of course when it comes to the kidnapping we always take the sympathetic route when it comes to Sita but I feel like there will be more to Rama's side of the story. I'm very excited to read more as we progress with our projects.
Great job!
I read your story, "Love at first site." In the story you the feelings they first felt when they saw each other. I liked how you mentioned Rama's overconfidence in himself because I feel like this is a quality that always left unnoticed. I liked the image you chose to use too. it not only showed Rama wining Sita's hand in marriage but also it makes displays as man above everyone else which coincides with his own beliefs. There is not really any grammar mistakes and the story flows pretty well. The structure of story is great too you lead into your next story using a small cliff hanger. I know the doctor is not a main character but I want to know about her more. This story would also go great with Maharabata. You could do a group session between duryodhana and the Pandavas. Anyways great writing and it was fun to keep up with your story.
ReplyDeleteHi Stevi. This is the first time I have visited your storybook, so I only read the introduction this time around. I think you did a great job! I love going through all of the different storybooks and seeing how people adapt these stories to their own personal style. Rama and Sita is a pretty popular topic, but I have not seen anything like yours. You do a great job of putting a modern twist on the story that makes it easier for the stories to connect. What popped into my head was the scene from “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are at marriage counseling.-the power couple in peril. The writing was fluid and very easy to read. I didn’t see any errors with grammar or punctuation. Overall a really great story. I look forward to reading more in the future!
ReplyDeleteHey Stevi!
ReplyDeleteI read your third story, “Broken Trust.” I really enjoyed it. It was very clear and simple. It was an easy read but very informative at the same time. I felt like I fully comprehended how hurt Sita was by Rama. I felt empathetic toward Sita. The only suggestion I have was that I kind of wished you got into a little more detail about the fire – like some background about it. How does it prove the honesty of someone?
The format of your storybook is very clean and simple, which made the overall look seem well-polished and professional. I did not notice any grammar or punctuation error while reading your story. Yout theme and style of writing really allows the reader to understand what the main character, Sita, is going through and how she is feeling throughout this whole process. Good job!
I look forward to reading more of your stories I wonder if Rama and Sita will work things out and stay together or will they eventually separate?
The picture of the fawn on for this part of the storybook is perfect. It’s so seemingly cute and innocent that it’s easy to see why Sita would beg Rama to capture it for her. Throughout reading this chapter of the story book (Stolen Hearts), you do a magnificent job on capturing the subtlety of body language and how it really displays the underlying thoughts of the characters in the story. I’m also glad that you are not having Sita be mindlessly complacent with Rama’s way of thinking. I think she’s a stronger character in that, although I think her belief in Rama’s altruism constantly betrays her. I think it’s important to show the dynamics in their relationship and where each character is at emotionally. You’ve done an excellent job of that so far so just keep up the good work. Also, your titles are on point in capturing the story and in their brevity.
ReplyDeleteHi, Stevi!
ReplyDeleteI love getting the chance to come back to your storybook! This week, I read "Broken Trust." I have always been on SIta's side of things reading these stories, and I feel like you conveyed her emotions really well in the model of your storybook. It is so relatable that she was holding on to the feelings of rejection even after time had passed. Of course, Rama didn't understand. I know that, personally, I have experienced arguments in relationships like this. You perfectly brought out the duality of not wanting to bring up old problems but also being continually affected by them!
Your writing was clear, simple, and natural. It felt very appropriate for the theme and setting. Your choice to progress the plot almost entirely through dialogue is really powerful in this story book model. It makes the reader feel especially invested in the characters' struggles. I'm excited to read more!
Hey Stevi!
ReplyDeleteSo I’m back to comment on your storybook again! Like I’ve said before, I think this is a great storybook for the stories of Rama and Sita! It really shows the turbulent marriage that they had and how wronged Sita was during the most trying times! I think now with this third story that Sita finally gets to the real root of the problems that they are having. I think most people would say that Rama is truly the root of the problem. They more I read what people have to say about him, the more I feel that he’s a real brat that uses his status as a way to influence people. It really makes me wonder what he was truly like in the Indian Epics!
Thank you again for another great story in your storybook, I hope you’ll have another before the semester ends because I think this is a great storybook!
Hey Stevi!
ReplyDeleteThis is it, huh! We are almost done! Well your storybook was one of my favorites so naturally I came back to get one last look and finish reading it. I enjoyed the fact that it wasn't your standard Rama and Sita story where they end up together and live happily ever after. The fact that we get to see another side of them as a couple is nice. Rama isn't the perfect man like we are used to seeing and Sita realizing her self worth was amazing. I actually ended up feeling really sorry for Sita in the chapter before last and was kind of hoping she would realize that she was way better than this ideal fairy tale relationship where everyone expects them to be perfect. This just goes to show that every relationship or marriage has turbulent times and flaws. Now that we are at the end of the semester I'd like to congratulate you on a job well done on your project! Overall, it was a great read and I really enjoyed going on this journey with you!
Hi Stevi! Congratulations on being selected as on the favorite storybooks of the class. I can't say I'm too surprised because your storybook is great! As I said before, I love the theme for your storybook and the direction you've taken it throughout the semester. It came together so nicely! Reading through your stories, I noticed and well your writing flowed. It was very clear and kept me interested. Overall, great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Stevi! I think this is my first time reading your Storybook! It looks great so far! The image you chose for your cover page is perfect for the theme/topic. I liked how you wrote your Introduction. It was very clear, concise, and contained necessary details. The dialogue really helped improve the story. Also, I liked how you set it in a marriage counseling appointment- if only they had such a thing in Rama and Sita's time! I read your first story about how Rama and Sita fell in love! Once again, it was written very well with the marriage counseling aspect. I can relate a lot to your Storybook because my own had a lot to do with Rama and Sita as well. The image you chose for that story was a perfect fit. Good job on everything you have done so far! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way about how Sita’s story ended. It was so unfair! I hope you got to watch Sita Sings the Blues, the animated version of the Ramayana. They captured this moment perfectly with Sita leaving on a joyous note. Meaning, she was happy to leave and not put up with Rama’s bull anymore. I like how you ended it so that she did not let him roll over her and her emotions, twice. I personally do not know many women, including myself, that could overlook the constant jealousy and suspicion that Rama felt for Sita. Although it was on a sadder note, your ending portrayed her as a much stronger woman than the versions that I have been exposed to. I think it was a fair call to make in saying that Rama never truly loved her, because Rama never really trusted her, did he? This ending was fantastic.
ReplyDeleteHi Stevi! Today I am reading your first two stories of your Storybook. In the “Love at First Sight” story, I once again enjoyed that the story revolves around a marriage counseling appointment in which Rama and Sita have to explain their love story. The story was concise and yet gave enough details. The only thing that you could have expanded more on was the actual moment of love at first sight, while Rama and Sita were in the garden, since that is what the story is describing. For the “Stolen Hearts” story, you did a great job describing the significance of the deer in Sita’s kidnapping. Once again, the dialogue is a great additional aspect that really does improve the story! This story was also very detailed as well. I am glad that you mentioned Sita’s doubt in whether her relationship with Rama could ever be healed since he had turned away from her more than once. Good job, keep up the work!
ReplyDelete