One day, she decided that it was time to roam the world. She knew that it probably wasn't the best idea but she decided that she did not want to be alone anymore and she would go find a husband and the one that she picks, will wed her whether he likes it or not. She wasn't far away from home when she heard a sound like nothing she had ever heard. It was the most beautiful voice. She knew right then that whomever the voice belonged to, would soon be her husband.
"Who is it that has come into my jungle which is haunted by rakshasas?" Shurpanakha asked the mysterious stranger.
"I am Rama. I have come to exile with my bride Sita. We are only passing through and don't wish to be any trouble," the stranger replied.
"You are no trouble. That bride of yours, however, is not welcome in my jungle. She must leave at once," Shurpanakha quickly spoke hoping the bride would just disappear.
Rama turned and began to walk away with his bride. Shurpanakha knew that she could not allow this stranger to walk away. She did not know much about him, but she knew that she was in love with him and that he had to be hers.
"Rama, you are not to leave. You are going to forever dwell with me as my husband. I am in love with you and I will not allow you to leave my sight," Shurpanakha screamed.
"I have no interest in you, evil being. I refuse to leave my bride. You can try my brother." laughed Rama, obviously in jest, "I am sure that he would love to be with someone as beautiful as you are."
Rama and Sita turned to walk away. Shurpanakha, blind with fury, attacked the two lovers. She would not allow them to leave unharmed after the way that they had treated her. She didn't know how she was going to do it, but she knew that she had to destroy them.
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| Rama embarrasses Shurpanakha and rejects her advances. Source: Blog |
Bibliography: this story was found online in the Ramayana Online: Public Domain Edition reading.
I like that you tried to show Shurpanakha's point of view in the story. Try expanding on this idea even more. Instead of telling us her attributes describe them or provide a background story. For instance, instead of saying that she is "misshapen and ugly," describe her physical features. You can also make Surpanakha even more relatable. How do you want the audience to feel? It sounds like you want the reader to feel sorry for her. Since it might be difficult to use dialogue in the introduction, try using an antidote from her past that allows you to introduce her and her feelings. You did a good job with the dialogue in the second portion of the story. I was able to get into the story with the discussion between Rama and Surpanakha. Finally, your last sentence conveys a good sense of Surpanakha's insecurities. Her need to "destroy" the three travelers because of jealousness reveals a lot about her. Good work.
ReplyDeleteStevi, I really like how you chose to portray this story from a different point of view. It’s always interesting to see how the world may be seen through a different character's’ point of view. It also helps that you also provided a more in depth backstory to this character as well. This alternate point of view is always a fun way to look at a story because it can sometimes make a protagonist look like an antagonist.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I really liked your ending sentence, “She didn't know how she was going to do it, but she knew that she had to destroy them.” I felt like this was a really good ending note for your telling of her side of the story. I also liked that you decided to do her side of the story and try to get your readers to empathize with her not as a villain, but as more of a person who has been cruelly treated her entire life. However, I would have liked to have seen a more emotional elaboration to the piece, more about how she felt about the way she looked or the way people treated her. I would also like to suggest that next time you might use more elaborate description during the dialogue between the characters about the setting or the feelings of the characters as well.
ReplyDeleteThe way you told the story from shurpanakha's view point was a great twist. Even though she was the "villain" in this story, i felt more for the character herself. I liked how you also described shurpanakha's because I think it shows her mentality too. The story had a great ending. It provided insight on Shurpanakha's selfishness and it gave a cliff hanger (even though we know what is going to happen).
ReplyDeleteHey Stevi!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed you story. It was really interesting. I kind wished you went into a little more detail about Shurpanakha’s appearance. I had a hard time trying to picture what she looked like. Other than that your story was really good. I enjoyed the development of Shurpanakha. In the beginning of the story, you had me sympathizing with Shurpanakha. I felt like she was similar to the Hunchback of Notre Dame – someone who was just misunderstood. But then as I progressed into the story I discovered that she is kind of selfish and ill-tempered. This changed my feelings toward Shurpanakha. I did not like her as much. I did not like how she let her anger get the best of her. The format of you story was very concise and clear. It was not fluffy or too wordy. This made the story more enjoyable. I look forward to reading more of your posts!
I enjoyed the flow of this story from Shurpanakha being alone to loving a man to ending with her trying to kill Rama and Sita. I like how the story focused on Shurpanakha and how it gave background information it allowed me to see her in different perspective. I like the how the background is dark grey and the text is white. This made it easier for me to read. Another thing that made it easier to read was that all the breaks between each spoken part. I felt however, that the story was a little rushed. It might be good to have more dialogue and build-up before the climax of the story. Shurpanakha goes from living alone to loving a man to wanting to kill him in such a short time that I was not able to build any emotional attachment to the story. One thing that might help is breaking up the dialogue with more information and including more descriptions like for instance, “Shurpanaka clenched her fists so tight that blood began to drip down. Shurpanaka was not about to allow the man who was to be her husband to leave” etc.
ReplyDelete